Thanks to “Bare Shelves” Biden’s supply chain WT-cluster-F? people are having a hard time finding groceries. Thankfully there’s plenty of food-related WTF? to tide you over until we can get somebody competent in the White House:
Headline of the Week
Edibles Make Gonads Go Bad In Monkey Testicle Study
While an apple a day keeps the doctor away, an edible a day makes your testicles shrivel – at least, that’s according to a new report which found that ingestible cannabis slashed testosterone levels and ball size in rhesus macaques. While the association hasn’t been proven in humans yet, as fellow primates it potentially paints a worrying picture for testicular health in the face of chronic THC exposure.
Published in the journal Fertility & Sterility, the study is the first of its kind in assessing the impact of Delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol (aka, THC) use on testicular function. They were looking at dosages that would reflect human substance use of ingestible cannabis, often referred to as “edibles”.
Operating from the Oregon National Primate Research Center at Oregon Health & Science University (OHSU), the team behind the paper used a non-human primate model, employing the help of rhesus macaques to observe if or how cannabis’s main psychoactive agent altered their reproductive health. Each monkey was given daily edibles over the course of seven months, using dosages which reflected human use and increased in alignment with their sperm cycles (how sperm is made is pretty fascinating, didn’t ya know?).
Analyses of the animals’ semen samples revealed that edibles proved to have a significant influence over the monkeys’ reproductive hormones, who were found to have much lower levels of testosterone and shrunken testicles.
Must be fun to have a job where you get monkeys high and then measure their junk.
Eggplant Emoji of the Week
Boy, 9, accidentally amputates his own penis with a mortar and pestle
A 9-year-old boy has partially amputated his own penis while crushing up vegetables with a mortar and pestle.
The castration catastrophe occurred in the Central African nation of Gabon, according to Urology Case Reports, which published a medical study detailing the event.
The date of the disaster was not disclosed, but the injured youngster did not seek treatment for three hours after sustaining the “traumatic penile injury.”
The bludgeoned boy presented at the hospital with a compressive bandage soaked in blood and was quickly rushed into the operating room. Doctors described his demeanor as “anxious.”
The male’s mangled manhood was examined by medics, who found that he had partially amputated his penile glans and completely ruptured his urethra — the duct which transmits urine from the bladder.
Incredibly, doctors managed to save the patient’s penis, cleaning the wound and sewing the head back on.
However, he subsequently suffered a severe infection that caused his nether regions to swell up and the stitches on the penis to come loose.
He was given antibiotics, and the infection eventually disappeared. After a 25-day stay in the hospital, the boy was able to return home.
According to the medical study, the youngster returned for a checkup a year later and his penis was in perfect condition.
That’s not how you beat your meat, little man.
Rice Dick of the Week
‘Transracial’ Influencer Oli London Reveals Plans for Penis Reduction Surgery
“Transracial” influencer Oli London has revealed that he’s looking into getting penis reduction surgery, as his laundry list of cosmetic procedures continues to grow.
The social media star, who was born British and white, has spent an estimated $250,000 on around 20 surgeries in an attempt to make himself look Korean. He specifically wants to resemble BTS star Jimin.
And London, who has booked himself in for a full face and neck lift in Turkey in the coming weeks, has revealed to Newsweek that he has made enquiries about taking an extreme step in his physical transformation.
He said: “I don’t want people to get offended by this, but in Korea, [the average] penis is like 3.5 inches, and I get trolled all the time. People say, ‘Oh, you can’t be Korean. You’re not 100 percent Korean,’ and I just want to be 100 percent Korean.
“I would even have a penis reduction so I’m, like, the Korean average. That’s how far I’m willing to go. I can have it done in Thailand, and it will cost between $6,000 and $8,000. Thailand’s cheaper. And to be honest, they do specialize in those kind of things in Thailand, because they have a lot of sex changes and stuff.
It’s not his dick that makes him not Korean, it’s the fact that he’s not Korean that does it.
Nut of the Week
Lion loses a TESTICLE after lionesses attack him for trying to steal their food
This lion upset a pride of lionesses and lost a testicle for his trouble after they pounced on him for trying to take food from their young.
Mandevo the lion tried to swipe a buffalo kill from the new mothers, not realising it was meant for their 11-strong brood of cubs.
Mandevo suffered a nasty bite to his genitals during the fight in Maasai Mara, Kenya, that left vets no choice but to remove one of his testicles.
Photographer Gren Sowerby captured the cat fight on camera, allowing him to raise the alert rangers who moved in to administer veterinary treatment.
Mr Sowerby, from Whitley Bay, Tyne and Wear, regularly visits the area to photograph the animals.
The 71-year-old said: ‘The roar was like an F1 car! He laid down and licked himself.
‘We were surprised but have seen this behaviour before. We saw the damage done to him.’
If Mr Sowerby and his team had not seen what happened, Mandevo may not have received urgent treatment for his injury.
He added: ‘The rangers sent a vet out from the Nairobi Elephant Orphanage.
‘He did surgery on him and he is now recovering in the wild where they will monitor him.’
He’d be lion if he said the mane concern wasn’t his loss of pride.
Dough Nut of the Week
Body positive bakery creates ‘vagina’ doughnuts using pink icing and strawberry laces
A body positive bakery a history of making explicit pastries has created a strawberry glazed doughnut – in the shape of a vagina.
Managing director Evie Jackson, from Blackburn, said her team at Doe Bakehouse had initially created the sweet “vulva-nut” to celebrate a customer coming out as a lesbian.
But since then, the bakery, which has stores in across the north, had made the doughnut available to all its customers.
It has previously made baked goods in the shape of breasts and penises.
The new doughnut – laden with flesh-pink icing, strawberry lace, a conspicuously-placed heart and multicoloured sprinkles around the edge – costs £7 each.
And Evie, 29, said it is a way of smashing the taboo that surrounds women’s genitalia.
She said: “People think it’s a taboo but it’s absolutely not, it’s just a body part.
“Actually, people are now really body positive. So, celebrate it! Put it into a doughnut form. Have a laugh – why not?
“We’re not scared to do something that a certain generation might say ‘that’s revolting’.”
Unfortunately they taste like rancid tuna, the sprinkles are crabs, and the cook personally glazes them in the back.
Milk Bags of the Week
A woman whose breast are officially the world’s biggest has disclosed what it’s like living in her shoes.
Annie Hawkins-Turner said she is attacked everyday by vile trolls. Despite that, she says many men see her 102ZZZ-cup breasts as their ultimate fantasy and she has been able to make a fortune from them.
The mum-of-two, from Atlanta, Georgia, holds the Guinness World Record for her boobs, which weigh 65lbs each and are over four and a half foot in length.
She was diagnosed with gigantomastia, a condition that involves slow, progressive growth of breast tissue which meant they kept growing throughout her life.
Annie began developing breasts at the age of five, by nine they were a size 36D and she has suffered bullying throughout her life.
“When I go out of my house I have to think about what my day is going to be like and who is going to attack me today,” she once said during a TV interview in the UK.
“Every day someone teases me that doesn’t know me. They make fun of me and there’s no reason. I’m human like everybody else.
“I’m just blessed in different ways than other people. It affects my son very badly because people stare.”
Doctors have advised Annie, who is a size 22 and 5ft 6in tall, to have a breast reduction but she has refused.
“I don’t want to mess with nature. As my breasts grew the muscles in my back developed and supported them,” she said.
She’s a one-woman juggernaut.
Home Cookin’ of the Week
Cox charged with rape, sexual assault, and incest
A Richmond man has been charged with rape, sexual abuse, and incest after an investigation dating back to 2020.
Shawn M. Cox, Richmond, was arrested on Jan. 21 and charged with first degree rape of a victim under 12 years of age, first-degree sexual abuse of a victim under 12 years of age, and incest with a victim under 12 years of age or serious physical injury.
According to arrest citations from the Richmond Police Department, a forensic interview at the Child Advocacy Center of the Bluegrass on July 21, 2020 with a juvenile female victim disclosed that Cox raped and sexually abused the four-year-old victim. Text in the citations claim that these alleged assaults occurred for two years until the victim was six-years-old.
Another forensic interview at the Child Advocacy Center on Aug. 4, 2020 alleged that Cox also assaulted a juvenile male victim – touching his genitals and rear on several occasions.
On Jan. 21, 2022 Cox was located and detained by officers from the RPD. He was taken to the Richmond Police Department for an interview and advised of his Miranda Rights. Cox allegedly requested to speak with an attorney before he was lodged at the Madison County Detention Center.
Police initially suspected Kuntz but then the evidence lead them right to Cox.
Hot Potato of the Week
Man beat with metal skillet after refusing to eat potatoes
Pennsylvania State Police said it arrested a man after he beat another man with a metal skillet after he refused an offer of potatoes.
State Police charged 27-year-old Richard Charkowsky of New Jersey on Jan. 23 with aggravated assault, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, reckless endangerment, simple assault, possession of a criminal instrument and harassment.
Police said troopers responded to a location in Thornhurst Township for a report of a domestic disturbance.
They said an investigation determined that Charkowsky was frying potatoes in hot oil with a metal skillet and offered them to the 32-year-old victim. The victim refused the offer and Charkowsky became enraged and threw the hot frying oil and potatoes at the victim and beat him in the head with the skillet. They said he was beaten so hard the handle of the skillet snapped off.
Gay domestic violence is weird.
Wine (Whine) of the Week
Drunk man arrested on multiple charges claims to be ‘president of Buckhannon’
A Buckhannon man has been charged after endangering a child and fleeing from police while drunk.
On Jan. 26, deputies with the Upshur County Sheriff’s Department were at a stoplight at the intersection of Sheetz and Walmart in Buckhannon when they saw an SUV traveling at a high rate of speed passing a school bus, according to a criminal complaint.
Deputies then activated their emergency lights and siren in an attempt to perform a traffic stop on the vehicle, the driver of which was later identified as Travis Lane, 32, of Buckhannon, deputies said.
At that point, Lane continued driving until he “came to an abrupt stop” at the Lowe’s parking lot; deputies ordered Lane out of the vehicle and handcuffed him, during which time they “could smell the odor of alcohol emitting from him,” according to the complaint.
When deputies asked Lane what he was doing, he said that “he was trying to get the little girl in his car to the hospital because she has COVID,” deputies said.
After being read his Miranda rights, Lane told deputies that “he was driving so erratically” because “he cared more about [the] little girl than the other people,” and that he “wanted to get her to the hospital because she was spitting up blood,” according to the complaint.
While attempting to place Lane into deputies’ cruiser, Lane “tensed up,” and began resisting, stating that “he knew his rights and wanted a blood draw immediately,” and that deputies “needed to let him go because he was the president of Buckhannon,” deputies said.
That’s exactly how Biden got in the White House: Rambling about COVID and then claiming he was president.
Apple Pie of the Week
Huge hairball weighing same as bag of apples removed from little girl’s stomach
Surgeons have removed a huge lump of hair the weight of a bag of apples from a little girl’s stomach after she complained of a severe tummy ache.
Doctors discovered a 3.3lb (1.5kg) mass inside the six-year-old’s tummy when it started to swell up.
It is understood the build-up happened after the girl in Panchkula, India, started sucking or chewing on her own hair.
Dr. Vivek Bhadhoo successfully performed surgery to remove the hair mass at Civil Hospital in Panchkula on Monday (24 January).
The little girl is now under observation in a stable condition with her parents by her side as doctors monitor her movement and check on her health conditions, a source said.
It’s still better than Indian food.
Sushi of the Week
Fifty-tonne whale explodes showering pedestrians and traffic in blood and organs
Unsuspecting pedestrians and drivers were subjected to a disgusting sperm whale explosion 18 years ago today and were grossly showered in a mix of blood, organs and flesh.
The massive dead sperm whale was being towed through the busy streets of Tainan, southwestern Taiwan, when it exploded, dousing the city in a bloody concoction of innards that looked like a scene from a horror movie.
Just before the messy explosion on January 26, 2004, the 50-tonne whale was being transported on the back of a large lorry to a research centre.
People, cars and buildings were painted in body parts in a blink of an eye.
Surprisingly, such an explosion is a fairly common phenomenon in whales, caused by a the pressure of gasses that build up inside the mammal as it begins to decompose.
The dead sperm whale had been collected from a Taiwanese beach and was being taken to be used for educational and research purposes, the Express reported.
You had me at “sperm whale explosion.”
Prosciutto of the Week
Hunter killed by the boar he’d just shot after it sprung up as he went to claim prize
A wild boar turned the tables on a hunter after attacking him and killing him in front of his dad.
The hunting incident took place in the woods in the municipality of Castell’Azzara in the province of Grosseto in the Italian region of Tuscany on January 19.
According to local reports, Giulio was hunting with his father when he saw the wild boar and shot at it.
The boar fell to the ground as if hit by the bullet and the hunter went over to check.
The animal reportedly sprung to its feet and charged at the man, biting his right leg and severing the femoral artery.
The injured hunter bled profusely from his deep wounds on the ground in front of his father.
The emergency services arrived along with a forest rescue team. However, nothing could be done to save the 36-year-old man’s life.
He was outsmarted by a pig.
Waffle of the Week
Florida man arrested at Waffle House after alleged outburst over bacon
A Florida man was arrested last Wednesday for allegedly causing a disturbance at a Cape Coral Waffle House over the way his bacon was cooked, according to a report.
“You better cook the f—-ing bacon right!” Martin Jose Alvarez is accused of yelling, according to Local 10.
Police said Alvarez was upset about how his bacon was delivered. The Tampa Free Press reported that the Alvarez is accused of shouting racial slurs at the workers and resisting officers until they threatened him with a taser.
Reports said Alvarez, 28, is facing charges of disorderly intoxication, resisting an officer, and simple assault. He is currently held at Lee County Jail, Local 10 reported.
I’m sure prison food will be much more to his liking.
What the Fudge? of the Week
Steam Reviews Slam Historical Accuracy of Hitler’s Balls in ‘Sex With Hitler’
A new game where you watch Adolf Hitler have sex with anime women is not only a cheap attempt at edgelord gamer baiting, but it also rewrites the history by showing Hitler with two fully formed nuts.
Sex with Hitler, which released on Steam on Saturday, is a top-down shooter combined with a visual novel about Hitler’s encounters with five anime women from varying nations. The plot, which is scant, sets the player at the end of World War II, as the Führer faces his defeat. As the Russians close in on Berlin, he’s plotting to flee the country, but is determined to catch some anime ass before he does.
But its cheap illustrations, typo-riddled dialogue, and unsatisfying sex scenes are only part of what people who reviewed it negatively are upset about. Many players are disturbed by the game’s inaccurate portrayal of Hitler as having two balls.
“Terrible game. First off Hitler was known to have one testicle (nut). However the game gets this wrong twice,” Sex with Hitler reviewer Peternutbutter wrote. “In one scene he has both of his nuts. In another scene his sack just seems to be completely nonexistent. I am incredibly disappointed with the lack of historical accuracy.”
“Historically inaccurate, hitler has two testicles,” wrote another.
Yes, the historical inaccuracy of Hitler’s balls is totally the problem with this game.
