The biggest WTF? this week was Dr. Jill Biden sucking face with second gentleman Doug Emhoff at Joe’s SOTU address. Here’s some other WTF? that also sucks:
Headline of the Week
One-legged ‘most wanted’ British crime boss arrested after five years on run
A notorious crime boss with one leg has finally been caught after five years on the run.
Richard Wakeling, one of the biggest Crime masterminds in the country, has been arrested in Thailand five years after leaving the UK.
He fled the eve of his trial in 2018, in which he was facing being charged for importing £8m worth of liquid amphetamine.
He was on the National Crime Agency’s ‘most wanted’ list ever since.
Wakeling, who has a prosthetic leg, was later convicted in his absence. The crime boss, from Essex, was given an 11-year jail sentence, reports Birmingham Live.
How does it take 5 years to chase down a one-legged man?
Yank of the Week
Northwest Indiana woman accused of pulling man’s penis ‘in violent manner’
A woman in Northwest Indiana was arrested Tuesday after allegedly pulling a man’s penis in a “violent manner.”
Just before 7:15 p.m., police responded to the 700 block of Dearborn Road, located in Portage Township, on a battery report.
Upon arrival, police met with the caller, a 26-year-old Valparaiso man, who stated that he was in a verbal argument with Zephanie Pennywell, 20, while in the kitchen.
The man told authorities Pennywell chased him, grabbed him by the shirt and then grabbed his penis “in a violent manner.” The police report states Pennywell allegedly “would not let go and began to pull.”
A roommate provided police video footage of the entire incident. In it, police said it showed Pennywell charging the man and then grabbing his groin area for a short period of time.
She was later taken into custody at a bar in the 300 block of U.S. Route 6.
While at the bar, Pennywell told police that she warned the man to stop antagonizing her. She stated that the next person who annoyed her would get “d***ed.”
The police report states Pennywell admitted to the officer that after failing to punch the man in the crotch, she grabbed his penis “in an attempt to hurt him.”
I’m assuming that censored profanity is “dicked” but that means something entirely different.
Obelisk of the Week
Tutankhamun was mummified with a fully erect penis
The young King of Egypt died thousands of years ago, but still his life and death continues to fascinate both scientists and ordinary folks alike.
Much of that is down to the supposed curse of Tutankhamun, caused by the sudden death of many of the archaeological team led by Lord Carnarvon and Howard Carter that found the boy king’s body.
However, there are some other interesting facts about Tutankhamun that aren’t purely in the world of the supernatural.
For example, the fact that he was buried with an erect penis that was stuck up at a weird angle.
Not only was Tut buried with a hard-on, he was also covered in black oily liquid and had his heart removed. However, this was not replaced with a heart scarab, which would have normally served as a backup for the real thing.
This – as Egyptologist Salima Ikram has claimed – could have been to make the king look more like the god Osiris.
She believes that the embalming methods weren’t accidental, but deliberately to portray him as the god of the underworld, with the penis highlighting Osiris’ regenerative powers, as well as mimicking the god’s black skin and missing heart – a reference to when the god was cut up by his brother Seth, who also buried his heart.
Speaking to LiveScience, Ikram said: “As far as I know, no other mummy has been found thus far with an erect penis,
“The erect penis evokes Osiris at his most powerfully regenerative moment, and is a feature of ‘corn-mummies,’ the quintessential symbols of rebirth and resurrection.”
A stiff with a stiffy.
Drop of the Week
Women’s sports advocate Riley Gaines is calling on the NCAA to establish separate locker rooms for transgender athletes competing in female sports after she and her teammates were forced to undress in front of University of Pennsylvania swimmer Lia Thomas after a meet last year.
In an interview on “America Reports” Wednesday, the 12-time All-American and five-time SEC champion urged the National Collegiate Athletic Association to make separate locker rooms for transgender athletes, recounting her own discomfort when she was exposed to Thomas’ “male genitalia” in a women’s locker room after a meet.
“We were not forewarned beforehand that we would be sharing a locker room with Lia. We did not give our consent, they did not ask for our consent, but in that locker room we turned around, and there’s a 6’4″ biological man dropping his pants and watching us undress, and we were exposed to male genitalia,” Gaines said.
Thomas had reportedly started the process of hormone replacement therapy at the time but hadn’t undergone surgery.
“That to me was worse than the competition piece,” Gaines said. “Not even probably a year, two years ago, this would have been considered some form of sexual assault, voyeurism. But now not even are they just allowing it to happen, it’s almost as if these large organizations are encouraging it to happen.
It’s a swim meet, not a pole vault.
Fist of the Week
West Port H.S. teacher accused of engaging in sexual conduct with students
Ocala police officials have arrested a former officer who is now a high school teacher and charged him with four counts of engaging in sexual conduct with students.
Bernard Smith is accused of violating Florida statute 800.101 (2)(a), which says authority figures shall not solicit or engage in sexual conduct with a student.
OPD Detective Austin Ridge wrote in his report that on Jan. 9, the school resource officer received complaints from students about Smith’s behavior toward them.
One student, who has had several encounters with Smith, said that on Jan. 6 Smith sent her a friend request on Instagram, even though she had not told him about her social media page.
The girl said he calls her baby or baby girl, even though she has told him not to call her by those names.
The girl mentioned an occasion when Smith sat beside her and rubbed her thigh area.
Another girl said Smith told her he could see her nipples, and some people find that attractive. She said he came to her workplace, asking her what grade she was in and encouraging her to keep in touch.
She said he tried holding her hand and touched her thigh near her private area.
A third girl said Smith asked about her sex life and asked if she was pregnant. He gave her a long hug and also used a piece of paper to hit her on the rear end.
A fourth girl said Smith told the boys basketball team he could not wait until she turned 18.
Some of the students said Smith would pretend to give them fist bumps, but instead hit their breasts.
When he asks for a high-five, don’t be too slow when he goes down low.
Bath of the Week
Naked Immokalee woman used library parking lot to freshen up
Visitors to the Collier County Public Library couldn’t help but check out more than just books after a woman gave herself a bath in the parking lot.
On February 7th, multiple guests alerted the manager of the Immokalee library to the public exhibition. As she went outside to check on the commotion, she found 43-year-old Carline Sthilaire naked.
According to the arrest report, Sthilaire was allegedly using a puddle in the library’s parking lot to bathe herself. Her exposed breasts, buttocks, and pubic area were in clear view to library guests and traffic along North 1st Street.
Collier County Sheriff’s deputies were called to the scene and ordered Sthilaire to dress. She immediately complied with the request.
Deputies placed Sthilaire under arrest, where she faces a charge of indecent exposure.
She probably misread the sign and thought it was a “Pubic Library.”
Nuts of the Week
Police force training drug-sniffing squirrels to join elite narcotics division
Police forces in one city in China are training an army of drug-sniffing squirrels to help them fight crime.
Officers in the southwestern Chinese city of Chongqing, China now has a team of six red squirrels in their elite narcotics division.
The fluffy trailed operatives are being used to locate drugs in even the smallest spaces at warehouses and storage units.
Chinese media outlet People’s Daily reported that images of the squirrels at work, scratching boxes and searching for items, were shared online.
The publication added that the Chongqing police said that these squirrels are small and agile, and able to search through tiny spaces in warehouses and storage units that dogs cannot reach.
A spokesperson for the force said that the squirrels have been trained to use their claws to scratch boxes to alert their handlers if they detect drugs.
They’re also good at finding smuggled nuts.
Taste of the Week
Kardashian criticized for new vaginal gummies: ‘Purely misogynistic and anti-feminist’
Following the launch of her vaginal wellness gummies, Kourtney Kardashian has faced sharp criticism from women’s health experts who slammed the celebrity’s probiotic as “incredibly problematic.”
“Vaginal health is such an important part of a woman’s overall well-being (and not talked about enough) which is why we are so excited to launch this! Give your vagina the sweet treat it deserves (and turn it into a sweet treat),” Kardashian’s Instagram post advertising her new product read. “You know what they say…you are what you eat. We combined real pineapple and Vitamin C with the power of clinically-studied SNZ 1969
probiotics to target vaginal health and pH levels that support freshness and taste.”
Kardashian rolled out her latest vitamin called “Lemme Purr” this week, but gynecologists and other women’s health experts promptly called out the reality television star and her new product. Experts cautioned consumers that there is no scientific evidence behind Kardashian’s claim that the vitamins work, reminded potential buyers to seek advice from their doctor instead of an influencer or celebrity and said the promises of the product were “purely misogynistic and anti-feminist.”
There must be some reason why she’s trying to make her clam taste better.
Asshole of the Week
Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like a Box of These Edible Anuses This Valentine’s Day
There are plenty of funny Valentine’s Day gifts out there—along with sexy Valentine’s Day gifts, of course—but if you’re looking for something that’s hilarious, delicious, and perhaps even sexy all at the same time, then you’ve come to the right place. A regular box of chocolate won’t do in this case, but chocolate buttholes? Well, that’s just a slam-dunk.
Edible Anus is a brand that is exactly what it sounds like: It makes edible anuses. The company has been around since the mid-2000s and offers edible anuses in white chocolate, dark chocolate, and milk chocolate. Plus, the brand even sells Anus Ale, because why not?
I can think of a lot of reasons, but the biggest is nobody wants to drink ass beer.
Roid Rage of the Week
‘Blonde bombshell’ bodybuilder unrecognisable with wispy goatee after life hit skids
At the peak of her bodybuilding powers, Denise ‘Golden Panther’ Rutkowski had the world at her feet.
With her striking bleach blonde hair, tanned skin, shredded muscles and onstage acrobatics, she was bodybuilding’s rising star.
And there was substance to match the style, as in 1993 she finished runner-up in the Ms Olympia contest.
She was expected to go on to win the coveted trophy, but sadly, shortly after her life spiralled out of control.
Years later, after a harrowing downfall, she is unrecognisable with a jarringly different appearance.
But not long after her glory, in 1996 she swapped barbells for bibles, finding God and announcing her retirement from bodybuilding.
She spent the next two years at Calvary Cathedral Bible College in Fort Worth, Texas.
It’s not clear what happened next other than that her life took a harrowing turn.
In 2012, almost two decades after her Ms Olympia success, she was arrested. It’s not clear what she was arrested for, but a police mugshot revealed her devastating physical transformation.
Gone was the ripped beach bunny look as the shocking photo showed Denise with scruffy mousy brown hair in a mullet style, blemishes and a wispy goatee and moustache on her face.
The drastic change in her appearance has been put down to 20 years of using steroids, growth hormones and other substances.
Meth will put hair on your balls too.
WTF? of the Week
Florida man charged with killing pregnant girlfriend days after he’s acquitted of double murder
A Florida man allegedly gunned down his pregnant girlfriend just days after he was acquitted of double murder, authorities said Wednesday.
Tampa police officers arrested alleged killer Billy Adams Wednesday and charged him with first-degree murder and killing of an unborn child eight days after the fatal shooting of Alana Sims.
Sims, only 22, was gunned down outside of her car, police said, according to WFLA. Her young son was inside the vehicle at the time and was not harmed.
Investigators said Adams and Sims were in a relationship, the report said.
Adams, 25, was found not guilty of killing two men on Jan. 27, just a few days before he allegedly killed Sims, who investigators said was the father of the unborn child, Fox 13 reported.
Tampa Police Major Michael Stout said the victim thought she was going to a party for Adams to celebrate his not-guilty verdict before gunfire rang out, the television station reported. Stout reportedly said the motive appears to be that Adams was not ready to be a father.
It’s a lot easier going the Hunter Biden route by just ignoring the kid.
