This week, Joe Biden made a WTF? surprise visit to Ukraine, offering to give away more of our money. Here’s some other surprising WTF? that is much less costly:
Headline of the Week
Man swallows banana wrapped in a condom in a hormonal rage
In what is thought to be the first case of its kind anywhere in the world, a 34-year-old American man was hospitalized after swallowing a banana wrapped in a condom in the midst of a hormonal rage.
In a case report published earlier in the academic journal Cureus, the patient, whose name has been withheld from publication, arrived at the hospital suffering from nausea, vomiting and abdominal pain. The main explained that he was unable to eat or drink anything and he hadn’t defecated for over 24 hours, according to a report by Jam Press.
The doctors decided to give the patient a CT scan, revealing that the poor guy’s small intestine was blocked by a banana wrapped in a condom.
The patient apparently has a history of depression and he swallowed this banana in a hormonal rage.
The patient was rushed to surgery where the banana and condom were both removed – though the banana was mashed in the process.
The patient claimed he had no intention to harm himself, nor did he have any history of swallowing foreign objects. He even insisted that he wasn’t drunk or on drugs – rather, that he was completely normal at the time.
Define normal.
Dick of the Week
Man dressed as 7ft penis is arrested for harassing women
A man dressed as a giant 7ft penis has been arrested by police after women complained he had been harassing them.
Military Police in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, arrested the man dressed as the giant phallus in the city centre on Sunday for ‘acting suspiciously’.
A picture of the arrest shows the man wearing an inflatable manhood costume and a pair of flip-flops being led away peacefully by an officer.
Carnival goers in the city told police he had been using his costume to chase women taking part in the city’s parades, local media reported.
If he identifies as a penis, don’t they have to let him do his thing?
Lesson of the Week
A Pennsylvania English teacher said he included close-up photographs of penises, vulvas, as well as a video of a woman ejaculating in an optional sexuality class, according to an interview. The school told Fox News Digital they were standing by him.
Al Vernacchio is an English teacher at Friends’ Central School, a private school in Wynnewood. He also is involved in the sexuality curriculum, which expounds from children nursery through 12th grade, according to his website. He has also mentioned this fact on at least one other occasion. After publication of this article, the school reached out and stated there was no “sexual education curriculum prior to fourth grade.”
In his work as Sexuality Education Coordinator, Vernacchio teaches classes, organizes sexuality-themed programs and assemblies, and is one of the faculty advisors for the Gender and Sexual Orientation Alliance.
In an unearthed 2011 interview he gave to The New York Times Magazine, Vernacchio described his graphic lesson plans which he said have raised concerns outside the school. The teacher said his goal is to desensitize children to images of genitalia.
The Times reported, “The lessons that tend to raise eyebrows outside the school, according to Vernacchio, are a medical research video he shows of a woman ejaculating — students are allowed to excuse themselves if they prefer not to watch — and a couple of dozen up-close photographs of vulvas and penises. The photos, Vernacchio said, are intended to show his charges the broad range of what’s out there.”
“It’s really a process of desensitizing them to what real genitals look like, so they’ll be less freaked out by their own and, one day, their partner’s,” the teacher added.
I’ve been looking at girly mags almost my whole life and it never gets old.
Soft Drink of the Week
Drinking Coke and Pepsi leads to larger testicles, more testosterone
A study has revealed how drinking Coca-Cola and Pepsi can lead to larger testicles and higher testosterone levels.
The Northwest Minzu University in China was attempting to determine the impact of carbonated beverages on fertility and sex organs in men.
The study looked at three groups of mice – one that only drank water, another that drank different levels of Coca Cola with another doing the same with Pepsi – over 15 days.
Tests on the rodents included weighing their testicles and drawing blood. They were tested on day one, as well as day five, seven, 10, and 15.
It was quickly discovered that the mice drinking Coke and 100 percent Pepsi, compared to a mixture of Pepsi and water, had a significant change.
For instance, the mice that were given pure Coca-Cola had higher levels of the male hormone compared to the group that drank water.
The study concluded: “Drinking Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola could promote testis development and enhance testosterone secretion [ …] our findings provide the scientific basis for fully understanding carbonated beverages effects and their mechanism on development and reproduction functions of humans, and how they benefit the prevention of prostate dysfunction and cancer.”
I wonder why the Chinese would be interested in the science of increasing genital size.
Ding Dong of the Week
Man ‘flashes families on doorbell cameras and puts genitals through letterboxes’
A man has left people fearing for their safety after a string of flashing incidents caught on CCTV.
He has been given the nickname ‘willy man’ from residents in Dagenham due to repeated flashing around the east London borough.
He was filmed showing his penis on doorbell cameras and putting his genitals through letterboxes.
In one video, he is seen walking up to a house just before 6am last Friday.
The man is wearing just a face mask and top, but nothing on the bottom while holding his penis in front of the camera.
One victim told MyLondon: ‘It’s frightening and has made my family feel unsafe knowing this is happening.
‘There have been other reports of this same person doing this same thing so it’s been going on for some time. He needs catching.’
Referring to a statement issued by the Metropolitan Police in January, detective constable Sky Mulvey said: ‘These incidents were very distressing for the victims and we are determined to swiftly bring the person responsible to justice.
Is Hunter Biden in London?
Kisser of the Week
Woman who spent £8k on ‘world’s biggest lips’ now wants largest cheekbones ever
A woman who spent thousands getting huge lips has revealed her latest beauty goal – enlarging her cheekbones.
Andrea Ivanova previously hit the headlines after revealing she had spent £8,000 on her voluptuous pout in a bid to have the “world’s biggest lips.”
And now she wants to same title for her cheekbones.
Andrea started her transformation in 2018, with the hopes of looking like a Bratz doll.
As well as her lips, she’s also undergone further surgery, including jaw and chin filler.
Now, in her latest chase for a new world record, she’s received cheekbone fillers and hopes to achieve the title of “world’s biggest cheekbones.”
“I’ve had four hyaluronic acid injections in my cheekbones so far, but I will undergo two more within the week.
For her cheekbones, she’s spent an estimated £1,600 so far and while she’s content with her new look, not everybody agrees.
Andrea, from Bulgaria, added: “There are many negative comments about me everywhere and a lot of people don’t approve of my new enlarged chin either.
She make look weird, but I bet she can take a punch.
Whiffer of the Week
Company hunts for world’s first poommellier where you can human sniff poo for a living
One of the most bizarre job vacancies has gone on the market, with the successful applicant set to spend all day smelling poo.
The hunt for the world’s first poommelier is underway, with a £1,500 grant offered to those who undergo the training needed to figure out all you need to know about human poo.
Nutrition brand Feel Complete has launched the search in a bid to break the poo taboo and help people take control of their gut health.
The brand is looking for up to five people to take part in its poommelier training – which you can apply for here– so they can analyse all aspects of digestive health and nutrition.
But just one person will have the right nose for the job and be given given the role as the world’s first poommelier at Feel Complete.
Aspiring poommeliers must be aged 21 and over, available to commit to a strict training schedule, and have an excellent eye for detail.
Lead nutritionist at Feel Complete Hannah Macey said: “Nobody’s poo smells good, but particularly foul-smelling poos may also be a sign of other health problems.
“An imbalance of your gut bacteria, known as dysbiosis, may result in more methane gas being produced by your gut, which may be detectable either as unpleasant smelling wind or poo.
“Certain food intolerances such as lactose intolerance, certain gut infections, or inflammatory bowel disease may also result in extremely bad smelling stools.
“If you have any changes in your bowel movements it’s important to see a GP or gut health expert.”
The term poommelier is a play on a similar role in the wine world where the job title is known as a sommelier.
Shit pay for a shit job.
Fertilizer of the Week
Women ‘deliberately’ defecating in a farm at Bhagalpur, destroying wheat crops, farmer seeks help
On Wednesday, a bizarre incident was reported from the Bhagalpur district of Bihar. A farmer complained that a group of women from his village were deliberately defecating on his farm and destroying his crops. A farmer named Chandradev Mandal wrote to the Child Development Administrative Circle Officer stating that the women have toilets in home but still coming regularly to defecate in his farm as an act of animosity.
According to the Navbharat Times report, the incident is said to have happened in the Pirpainti village of Bhagalpur district, Bihar. Farmer Chandradev Mandal stated that several farms were around, but the women were selectively defecating on his farm to destroy the wheat crops. He also said in the complaint letter that he was assaulted by respective husbands of women on complaining about the matter.
Chandradev reiterated that his wheat crops were getting damaged due to the defecation activities of these above-mentioned women and that they were deliberately doing so to destroy his crops. The appeal to the local administration stated that the act of defecation is being done just to harass him and damage his crops.
Looks like a shitty harvest this year.
Pisser of the Week
Tourist beaten to death by brother-in-law after ‘urinating on him’ on boozy night out
A tourist holidaying in Bali with his wife and young child has been killed after his own brother-in-law began beating him during a wild night out.
Troy Scott Johnston, 40, from Australia, was drinking at Uncle Benz Cafe in South Kuta when tensions began to boil after he urinated on bar owner Gede Wijaya.
Wijaya, 20, allegedly retaliated by using a chair to inflict fatal head injuries upon the Aussie.
Johnston was drunk and “throwing bottles on the street” which led to an initial confrontation where “Wijaya was attacked and slammed”, according to police statements.
Police believe Johnston “quickly got up and grabbed a chair and threw it at Wijaya,” to which Wijaya responded by hitting him fatally on the head.
News outlets are now reporting that this was a family dispute as Wijaya and Johnston were brother-in-laws who had spent the night together drinking before the urine incident.
Coconuts Bali reported: “Police said Wijaya and Johnston drank arak (traditional liquor) together until the victim became inebriated.”
The local news outlet reported Wijaya claimed Johnston “peed on my left leg”. He added: “I tried to tell him to cut it out. But he went inside and threw glass cups at me.”
Police have since arrested Wijaya and charged the bar owner with the murder of Johnston. He now faces 15 years in prison if found guilty.
He went from piss drunk to dead drunk.
Charge of the Week
Florida man faces up to 30 years in jail for throwing water on brother
A Florida man accused of dumping two glasses of water on his older brother during an argument over key lime pie — admittedly not the most heinous Florida man offence — now faces charges that could potentially put him in jail for up to 30 years.
64-year-old Lee County resident David Sherman Powelson was arrested Wednesday and charged with one count of first-degree felony aggravated battery on a person aged 65 years or older, according to court records accessed by Law and Crime.
Powelson, who faces up to three decades in prison and possibly thousands of dollars in fine if convicted, had eaten a pie that his brother — referred to in an affidavit as “the victim” — had been saving.
Deputies with the Lee County Sheriff’s Office responded to a 911 call about “physical domestic dispute” around 8:30 pm [local time] after “the victim became upset and an argument ensued,” the probable cause affidavit stated.
“While sitting in the chair, David [Powelson] emptied two large glasses of water on the victim. The victim feared [Powelson’s] aggressive behavior would lead to him being physically harmed and or killed.”
Upon being asked what exactly happened, the accused explained to the officers that he decided to eat the Key lime pie because his brother had left it in the refrigerator for “several days”, causing an argument.
“[Powelson] was near the kitchen and decided to fill up a large glass full of water and dump it on the victim’s head to ‘cool him down,’” deputies said. “[The accused] proceeded to fill up another glass and dumped it on the victim in the living room.”
Authorities also noted that the older Powelson brother didn’t suffer any injuries during the course of the altercation because “only water was thrown on the victim.”
Maybe it was hard water, or possibly high-capacity deadly assault water.
Crime of the Week
Armed robber stayed at crime scene to eat victim’s fried chicken
Chicago man is facing a bucket of felony charges after allegedly robbing a man at gunpoint and then staying at the scene to eat the victim’s takeout fried chicken.
Chicago police arrived at the robbery scene within minutes and allegedly found James Taylor, 20, still there, enjoying the victim’s delicious fried chicken.
Officials said the victim, 35, parked in front of his home in the 4500 block of South Calumet around 1:30 a.m. Saturday and started to head toward his residence with his piping hot yardbird.
Taylor interrupted him to ask for a light, but the victim said he didn’t have one and kept walking.
Taylor then tapped the man on the shoulder. When the victim turned around, Taylor was pointing a pistol at his face, prosecutor Kenneth Flesch said. The victim handed over his keys, $2 in cash, a debit card, and the fried chicken.
Taylor, according to Flesch, climbed into the victim’s car and went to work on the chicken while the victim dialed 911. Police arrested Taylor a few minutes later.
He is charged with armed robbery with a firearm, aggravated unlawful use of a weapon, aggravated possession of a stolen motor vehicle, and illegal possession of a debit card.
Some stereotypes are real.
Head Hunter of the Week
Woman ‘tried to saw off boyfriend’s head with bread knife’ – but he miraculously survived
A bloke whose crazed girlfriend tried to saw off his head with a bread knife after stabbing him 29 times miraculosly survived.
Samantha Smith, 56, and her partner had been boozing on hard liquor and beer all day in July last year, when she “spontaneously” jumped on top of the victim as he lay on his bed.
Armed with two blades, Smith stabbed her lover 29 times in the chest and stomach at a property in Hereford, Herefordshire.
A court heard that Smith had tried “to saw his head off” with a serrated bread knife, and left the 59-year-old with a 10cm (3.9ins) wound.
He incredibly survived the assault after being rushed to hospital for emergency treatment.
Today (Friday, February 24) Smith pleaded guilty to one count of attempted murder and was sentenced to 12 years in prison at Worcester Crown Court.
The court heard the pair, who had known each other for more than 40 years, had spent the day drinking lager and Jack Daniels.
Francesca Levett, defending, said Smith had mental health issues, including post-traumatic stress disorder and was ‘mortified’ at what she had done.
Her behaviour was said to be ‘alien’ and the ‘frenzied’ attack was ‘very out of character’, Ms Levett said as she added it would ‘never happen again’.
Having no head would be preferable to looking at that beast.
WTF? of the Week
Los Angeles District Attorney George Gascon has suspended the attorney who prosecuted a 26-year-old trans child molester who was accused of identifying as a woman only after DNA evidence linked her to a cold case crime, according to law enforcement sources.
Shea Sanna, who had been the lead prosecutor for part of the case, is accused of misgendering and “deadnaming” the convicted child molester Hannah Tubbs, who is now accused of beating a man to death in the woods with a rock in Kern County.
Sanna has argued in the past that jailhouse phone calls show Tubbs, now 27, was attempting to use gender identity to game the justice system – an argument that sources say made others in Gascon’s office uncomfortable and led to the suspension.
Tubbs has a lengthy criminal history in California and Idaho under the former name, James Tubbs – and allegedly began identifying as female after being arrested in connection with a 2014 child molestation case in which she pleaded guilty to attacking a 10-year-old girl in a Denny’s bathroom stall.
Sanna subsequently raised concerns about a possible ruse. Gascon’s office, under a series of stiff policy directives, sought to have the adult ex-con placed in a juvenile facility because the crime occurred before her 18th birthday.
But a month later, Sanna said, after he sent a critical tweet about former Gascon adviser Alisa Blair’s handling of another case, he found himself the subject of a complaint filed on her behalf.
“So it wasn’t when I first ‘misgendered’ Tubbs,” he told Fox News Digital. “She did it in retaliation. Part of it, the reason why I suspended, is because I called out Tubbs to the administration and said I have recordings of him making up the name, gaming the system, joking about it and the date that it was made up. And I had reports where he’s referring to himself as a ‘grown ass man.’”
This was as Tubbs was being held in a facility for juveniles, because Gascon’s policies treated the then-26-year-old as a minor because of the date of the initial crime.
“It wasn’t like I was going around being transphobic or malicious — I brought it to their attention that they have a convicted child rapist trying to get himself into a juvenile facility as a woman, and he rapes little girls,” he said. “Does anybody see a problem with that?”
I sure as hell do.