June is LGBT pride month and what better way to kick it off than with a fake anti-gay hate crime? A lesbian in Maryland claims some intolerant white people threw acid in her face while yelling homophobic slurs. Naturally there are no witnesses or evidence that this happened, but the details she gave make it simply impossible to believe.
CBS Baltimore reports:
The Harford County Sherriff’s Office is looking for two suspects who allegedly yelled homophobic remarks from a car at a woman in Abingdon last Thursday before they threw an unknown liquid on her.
The incident happened between 12:30 and 1 p.m. in the Home Goods parking lot in the 3400 block of Emmorton Road. The woman told police a small black passenger car with two people in it pulled up. After they threw the liquid they drove away.
The premise is already a little shaky here. We’re being asked to believe that two people were just driving around with a caustic liquid looking for lesbians to throw it on. Also, how did these 2 assailants know that the woman was lesbian? Even if she was super-butch looking, most people probably would have thought she was a dude.
The woman thought the liquid was water, but an hour later her skin began to burn. She was treated for what appeared to be chemical burns at an urgent care.
What sort of liquid is completely innocuous until an hour later when it suddenly causes chemical burns? No really, this is not something that exists. If it was acid, bleach, or any kind of caustic liquid, it would have been felt immediately.
Also, please note that the news is reporting that she was treated for “possible chemical burns” not actual chemical burns. The doctors couldn’t confirm that she had chemical burns, which means she didn’t have them.
Police said the driver was a white man in his twenties with short black hair, and the passenger was a white woman in her early twenties with light brown hair.
That seals it: this is a hoax. Everyone knows it’s black people who commit all of the hate crimes, especially ones against the LGBT community. If you’re going to fake a homophobic hate crime, at least lie that it was black assailants to make it sound somewhat plausible.
“They don’t have any security video or witnesses,” said the CBS Baltimore reporter.
Hmm, isn’t that convenient?
This case seems very similar to something that happened last June. A biracial woman claimed that 4 racist white men threw a flammable liquid on her and then set her on fire. She didn’t actually have any burns, but whatever. At the time Def-Con News called bullshit and, wouldn’t you know it, 4 months later police announced that she made the whole thing up.
It’s possible this lesbian is Maryland really was attacked, but it seems highly doubtful. I’m so confident that this is a hoax that if if turns out to be true, I’ll buy a box of that gay Kellogg’s cereal and eat the whole thing in one sitting with skim milk.
A more likely scenario is that in a couple of month I’ll be writing about how authorities determined she lied but didn’t charge her with filing a false report because she is part of the protected class of professional victims.
