I rarely look at the detailed site stats but on Friday I was doing some maintenance and stumbled upon the fact that Def-Con News is an international sensation. Last week alone we had hundreds of visitors from across the globe including some pretty unexpected countries like Iceland and Jordan. No one from Russia though, which debunks the liberal media theory that DCN is run by a Russian troll farm. We’re really more of a troll community garden, run by people who like Russian vodka.
I never really thought that Def-Con News would be of any interest to people outside of the the U.S., but last week we had plenty of international visitors. In addition to hundreds of visitors from Canada, Australia, and the U.K., we had people from:
Germany – 104 visitors
Japan – 93 visitors
Phillipines – 61
Jordan – 42 (seriously?)
India – 24
Romania – 22
Iceland – 3
And my favorite:
Chances are that at least one of those 11 people was number-four prostitute in whole of Kazakstan. It has occurred to me that it could have been just one person from Kazakhstan visiting us 11 times, by I still like the odds on that being the number-four prostitute in whole of Kazakhstan.
Also, I lied. We had 9 visitors from Russia but that doesn’t prove any kind of collusion.
We did get blanked on countries like Cuba and North Korea and only got 9 visitors from China so our communist outreach program was a failure.
With so many international viewers, I’d thought I’d do my best to welcome our new friends to Def-Con News in a way that only Google Translate could allow:
To Germany:
Bestellen Sie nicht das Schnitzel, sie benutzen Schnauzer.
Don’t order the Schnitzel, they’re using Schnauzer.
To Japan:
ハローキティとゴジラで私たちを称えます
Harōkiti to Gojira de watashitachi o tataemasu
You honor us with Hello Kitty and Godzilla.
To Philipines:
Ang aming pangulo ngayon ay mas baliw kaysa sa iyo
Our president is now crazier than yours.
To Jordan:
عتقد أننا نحب اللوز الخاص بك
‘aetaqid ‘anana nahubu allawz alkhasu bik
We like your almonds, I guess.
To India:
धन्यवाद पुनः पधारें
dhanyavaad punah padhaaren
Thank you, come again.
To Romania:
Dracula e de rahat.
Dracula sucks.
To Iceland:
Hver er samningurinn við Björk?
What’s up with Bjork?
And finally, To Kazakhstan:
Мен Американың аэропортына киім-кешек, АҚШ доллары және сыған көзінің жасын алып, мені ЖҚТБ-дан сақтау үшін келдім.
Men Amerïkanıñ aéroportına kïim-keşek, AQŞ dolları jäne sığan köziniñ jasın alıp, meni JQTB-dan saqtaw üşin keldim.
I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, US dollars, and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.
I’m joking around here but I do think it’s cool that so many international visitors are checking out Def-Con News. Drop us a line and let us know what you think. I have to know why so many people from Jordan are visiting our site.
